Dilemma!!

Good evening guys.

I’m facing a dilemma today. And I’m sharing this with you because
1. You guys don’t judge.
2. You really care.

So my bestfriend has this thing – she loves this girl (let’s call her X) sometimes and then all of a sudden starts HATING her (for some of her rude comments, her sarcastic remarks, etc.)

Now I find this girl X completely OKAY. You know? Not good, not bad. And when my bestfriend says something good about her I start thinking she’s a nice girl. But the next day she comes and tells me how BITCHY ‘X’ is. And my opinion automatically changes.

What is happening here is, I’m not able to think for myself. My thoughts are clouded by my bestie’s opinion of her.

The thing is – this girl IS sometimes rude to my bestfriend (either in a friendly way or in a really bitchy way). You see, my bestfriend herself sometimes admits that she could be interpreting X’s gestures in a wrong way. But she admits this ONLY when X is good to her. Typical.

But WHAT DO I DO ABOUT THIS?! X has been there for me when I needed somebody desperately! She’s always sweet to me! Always! And there was a time when I loved her.

Do I hate her or love her?! Just because my bestfriend can’t decide what she feels about her, does that mean I’ll always face the dilemma too?! Why can’t I like her, because she’s good to me?!! I know why. Because X sometimes isn’t good to my bestfriend, and she expects me to hate her, too.

My bestfriend and I have had LOTS of fights about this, by the way!!

If you’ve successfully reached the end of this post, you might as well tell me what I should do next!!

I’m STUCK here!

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62 Comments Add yours

  1. aayusi says:

    I’ve faced this dilemma recently πŸ˜› And after the storm getting over what I realise is this: You are an individual and your bestie is another. You have some thoughts where as your bestie has others. Since X has been good to you, you should be good to her too. Yes, you must detest the fact that she’s not goo dto you best frnd, but on the other had u must be good to X since she has been there for you – ryt?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. shubhada says:

      YES!! You just said exactly what I’m thinking right now! And the fact that you’ve faced it too, makes me kinda comfortable! πŸ˜›
      I and my bestfriend are different people.. I’ll keep that in mind.. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 3 people

      1. aayusi says:

        Yep πŸ™‚ Glad that I could help!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. shubhada says:

        Yes, and I’m glad that you helped! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      3. aayusi says:

        Anytym! I know how disastrous these things turn out to be :3 U know wat I mean ryt!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. shubhada says:

        Hahah, of course I know what you mean! πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The V-Pub says:

    I try to never let anyone tell me about another person. This happens at work when a new person shows up and someone has an opinion of them. I tell them that I will judge that person based only on my interaction with them.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. shubhada says:

      Yeah.. I want to do exactly the same thing.. I just suppose I’m not that strong minded. :/
      I let others opinions change my mind.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The V-Pub says:

        Sure you are, you’re just trusting, that’s all. I find it easier to base my impressions on personal experience.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. shubhada says:

        Yeah maybe.. Thank you so much for caring, Rob. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. The V-Pub says:

        You’re welcome, Shubhada. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  3. garym6059 says:

    I would just bite my tongue, no reason to argue with your best friend and damage that friendship unless this girl X is really mind warping her self esteem.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. shubhada says:

      Yeah.. I really care a lot about my bestfriend to argue with her. But at the same time I don’t like anyone dominating my opinions.. I want my opinions to be MINE.. You know what I mean?

      Liked by 1 person

  4. theonlysup says:

    hmm Shubs . i never go by what people tell about my dear ones, if its negative . because when u hear negative things ur mind makes an image of a negative character of a person u like the most .
    human nature but . get angry,jelous , ego problem so on and so forth.. these kind of emotions just ruin the relations even before you would realize .. sometime u will have to respect the differences .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. shubhada says:

      Yeah.. But what if it’s the opinion of your best friend about your not such a good friend?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. theonlysup says:

        whoever it might be . we should never jump to conclusion on the basis on other persons opinion. the way ur friend perceives the thoughts is very different than how u or any other person wil do .

        tomorrow if someones says shubs is dumb u think i will conclude the same ? naaah .. its how they see shubs. i see a great quality in you, which they might not see . and they perceive it that way

        Liked by 2 people

      2. shubhada says:

        Oh, well, thanks!! πŸ˜€
        Yeah, I won’t jump to conclusions, I’ll let time solve this..

        Liked by 2 people

      3. theonlysup says:

        I nominate you for the 3 day Quote challenege . write a quote each day for 3 consecutive days . I’m sure your day will go great while you read those quotes

        Liked by 1 person

      4. shubhada says:

        Oh, thank you so much! I’ll start it from day after tomorrow! πŸ˜€
        I’m going to post about a versatile blogger award tomorrow!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Tony Burgess says:

    Loyalty to your bestie shouldn’t get in the way of getting to know someone else. That other person might be someone you would have something in common with. Be yourself and give someone a chance.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. shubhada says:

      You are SO right!! Yes, I really want to give her a chance. But then I think about my bestfriend and I retreat. That’s just the way I am. I am ALWAYS confused! :/

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Mon says:

    Maybe you can try to be as neutral as possible? That’s what I did when friends argued- although they weren’t best friends, so I guess it was easy for me to be neutral. :I

    Liked by 2 people

    1. shubhada says:

      Mon, you won’t believe how much I’ve tried to be neutral!! Somehow it doesn’t work for me.. Or my bestie, for that matter.

      And I don’t even want to be neutral, you know? I want to have a definite opinion. I guess I just can’t settle for ‘grey’. I need either black or white. :/

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mon says:

        Haha, I guess that’s why I love you sassy people πŸ™‚ But think carefully about where you want the relationship to go, before picking whether you want to pick “black” or “white”.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. shubhada says:

        Hahah, you’re kidding! I’m not sassy! πŸ˜› (Am I? If you think so – yay! :P)

        And yes, you said it. But I’m so perpetually confused, I’m never able to take a solid decision!

        Like

      3. Mon says:

        Hey, make a pros and cons list for black and white :I See which one fits better so maybe you can stop being confused. Damn. I know a little list can’t fix relationships, but maybe you will gain some clarity?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. shubhada says:

        YES! I think I’ll do that..

        But actually these comments on my post are already helping me to get a clear view of what I want. I love you guys so much. πŸ™‚ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  7. vanchula says:

    Talk to ‘X’ and ask her why she’s so bipolar to your best friend. Since you say she’s always nice to you, I’m hoping she’ll open up to you. If there’s an underlying issue which is causing all this turmoil, then try fixing that. And, there’s a reason why you and your bestie are BFF’S, never turn a deaf ear to what she has to say. She needs to vent out and it’s only natural that she seeks you. ‘Hear’ her out, don’t ‘listen’ to her. There’s a subtle difference.
    If I were in your shoes, and one of my friends is being rude to my best friend, then I’d feel morally obligated to stand up for her. She’s my best friend afterall. But that’s just my opinion.

    It’ll all be okay. Don’t worry πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. shubhada says:

      Yes, even I feel morally obligated to stand up for my bestie. I really really care for her. But should HER opinion cloud my own? I don’t know.

      I like how you said just ‘hear’ her out. I’ll try doing that the next time. The thing is we’re TOO close. So I end up really ‘listening’.

      I’ve tried talking to X, she says she never means to be rude. I don’t think I believe that, though. :/

      Liked by 1 person

      1. vanchula says:

        Maybe she really didn’t mean to be rude. Or maybe she doesn’t know she’s being rude. If you and your best friend are as close as you say, then tell her that the next time X is being rude to her, she should point it out to X directly and tell X that it’s not Okay. If all else fails, Gather the two of them and force them to talk it out. Group Hug. That works better than the rest πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. shubhada says:

        Hahah, you’re SO sweet!! Thank you so much!

        We’ve had more group hugs than you’d imagine.

        But yes, I’ll tell my bestie to be point blank and tell her its not okay. Then let’s see what happens.

        Thank you Vanchula, you were really helpful! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. vanchula says:

        What are the odds that in this nightmarish sea of billions of humans that you’d find people who share your thoughts and interests..? Friends are hard to find and harder to keep. Tell them that these silly fights are NOT worth losing each other over.
        I’m glad I could help πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      4. shubhada says:

        Wow, yes, you’re so right. I’m GLAD I found your blog and made a virtual friend like you! Really glad!

        You’re really insightful, and I’m not saying this just for the sake of it. I mean it. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      5. vanchula says:

        Thanks ❀
        *tears up*

        Liked by 1 person

      6. shubhada says:

        πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ ❀ ❀

        Liked by 1 person

  8. hbhatnagar says:

    Stay out of it would be my advice. Nothing good can come of this…. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      Oh well, but I’m already deep inside this!

      And I’ve tried staying out of this, believe me. But in the end I always get involved!

      Like

      1. hbhatnagar says:

        Now if you were a guy, you’d punch them both on the arm and tell them to nut up. πŸ˜€
        Tell them both you’d rather not get involved, if they are best friends they’ll appreciate it, or maybe gang up on you and call you names at which point you can turn around and claim that was your plan all along, to get them together against a common enemy, and aren’t you a selfless person? πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      2. shubhada says:

        Hahahah, this one had me laughing!! I wish I were a guy, and this is not the first time I’m wishing this, lol!

        Maybe I need to stop being so serious. And I also need to stop overthinking. πŸ˜›

        Liked by 2 people

  9. Elm says:

    You shouldn’t be pressured into feeling anything. It’s not fair on YOU at all. You can form your own opinions – if your best friend has a problem with that then she needs to realise you’re a person with views on people OF YOUR OWN. X helped you. You shouldn’t have to hate X because she was being mean to your best friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      Yeah.. But I just can’t ignore the fact that she was intentionally or unintentionally mean to my bestfriend..
      But I feel really comforted by your comment. Thank you! πŸ™‚

      Like

  10. Totally been in this position before! Just remember to stay strong and think for yourself πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      You have? It’s so exhausting to be in a situation like this. But today is better.

      And thanks for your advice, I will try to stay strong. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Paul says:

    I think you should be friends with whoever is nice to you. Don’t ignore person X just because your best friend has problems with her, especially if person X has never done anything wrong to. I’ve never been a fan of best friends fighting battles together when only one person has the problem. Be friends with both, and if your best friend can’t respect that, well then I don’t know what to say.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      Yeah, it would be wrong on my part to be bad with her. Especially when she has been there for me a couple of times.

      I’ll try to find a solution where both aren’t hurt! Wish me luck!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Bobby says:

    Ohh…I am actually dumb in offering suggestions for the problem, Coz i am always in a problem. Anyways, I think you should stop judging people! That’s the root cause. Coming upto a conclusion without knowing the both end makes things worse and we get trapped in the fiasco. Stay away from the conclusions and you will be able to avoid all that.
    I hope things get resolved soon.

    Like

    1. shubhada says:

      Yeah.. I’ll do that. Jumping to conclusions is always bad.

      Thanks for your suggestion. πŸ™‚

      Like

      1. Bobby says:

        You are always welcome ..
        Only if you think they are helpful. πŸ˜‰

        Like

      2. shubhada says:

        Of course they’re helpful! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  13. hsampson says:

    Hey I have nominated you for quote challenge , check it here:http://wp.me/p5trJ-po

    I hope you accept the challenge and thank you!

    Like

    1. shubhada says:

      Oh!! Thank you so much! I check it out right away!

      Like

  14. Little Rants says:

    Do Not Get Involved.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      I know, but it’s not that easy, is it? :/

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Bhanu says:

    Be YOU. Always !
    You are a friend material. Be YOU.
    You are a confused girl. Be YOU.
    You want clarity. Be YOU.
    You do not want your friend to cloud your outlook. Be YOU.

    Be something that you want be.
    I think you have read few of my blog post and I am sure you would no certain things are meant to happen.

    Being a best friend is very good.
    Preserving your individuality is equally important. When you might share your opinion your BF might be taken aback and you might end up fighting. You see this perplex situation happens when you do not communicate very clear over a period of time. You have been listening to your BF all this time and suddenly you conflict her opinion and expectation, she might not be able to digest it. If you not tell, then someday your head will explode with lot of frustration and your BF might either feel sorry for you or totally misunderstand you.

    My guess – Miss X might be sweet.
    Your BF is – Just a normal girl with some interpretation issues.
    But just a guess.
    Don’t listen to me either.

    See. Think. Interpret. Choose. Be very very clear in what you say and how you say. Communication is the key !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      You are so right. In all the aspects. Thank you so much for your advice! πŸ™‚

      Also, this comment was the longest comment I’ve EVER received! I really appreciate your concern! Thanks again! πŸ˜€

      Like

      1. Bhanu says:

        Either it would have been a series of comment or a long one.
        I had some time so I chose to give it in one shot.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. shubhada says:

        Hahahaha! Yeah, you did a thoughtful thing! πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  16. markbialczak says:

    Oh, Shooby Doo. College life is a BITCH! What you should do, I think, is have your own separate relationships with X and Y and not tie the two together at all. Don’t let it be a topic of conversation with X, even, if you can. “Y is my friend, you know that.” And move on. If you can! ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. shubhada says:

      Oh, yes, college life’s a bitch. I’ll try to move on! Thanks Puppa M! πŸ˜€

      Like

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